You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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