If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
