There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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