Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
