I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
