So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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