I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
