we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize