Kiss
Puke
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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