they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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