i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
