she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
