my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
