i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
