matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he was CRYING into my vagina
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
