The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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