Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
