I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
