im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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