peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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