ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
