"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
