Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
