Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
