dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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