i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
