Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
