My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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