their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
