I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
