I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
