Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
