I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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