She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
