I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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