Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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