I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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