my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
