The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize