We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
