That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
