Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize