Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we made out on top of his cat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
