dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
