i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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