white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We need a shit load of segways right now
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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