I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
