opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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