She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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