Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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