he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
