I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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