who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
