Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
