I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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