Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
