Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
