quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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