you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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