Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
