Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
