dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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