You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize