so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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