I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
