It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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