No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
