I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
