the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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