apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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