I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize