Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
