before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
