so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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