the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
