i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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