Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
