She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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