last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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