There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
