Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
