So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
