You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
