i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
