I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
