What a fucking waste of an outfit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
