i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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