Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i think i just lost a toe
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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