Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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