I will die if light touches me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
