Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
