it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
