Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
