You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
