Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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