so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
