I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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