I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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