I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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