So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
