he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
