Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And then my night got REAL pukey
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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