smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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