oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
