the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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